By leveraging our global fleet, world-class terrestrial network and industry-leading innovations in connected technologies, we are contributing to a new and converged ecosystem that blends data and video networks.
The sentence above is not easy for readers to absorb at a glance. Here are three specific ways it might be clarified.
Vocabulary — Words like leverage sound like forced corporate speak. If you can use a straightforward word, do so.
Jargon — Is each word adding distinct meaning, and will your audience understand it? If not, remove it – it’s probably jargon.
Length — Short, concise sentences are more effective. If a phrase runs to four lines, or has a lot of commas, take another look.
By combining our unmatched networks and innovative technology, we’re able to blend data and video like never before.
This is easy to digest, cuts out any unnecessary words and gets to the point using clear, real-world language.